Jason S Polley at the Taj Mahal, Agra, India, mid-May 2004. Photo by Maria Fernanda Jaramillo Zapata.
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folder b file 1 0 min 17 sec

hash

it come in sheet with a stamp
every sheet have to be stamp with a company name so

you always want the company name

its valuable

you get the stamp on top
you pay the money for that
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folder b file 2 1 hr 7 min 13 sec

my name is saajid
i born in pakistan 1983
15 june

my father name tawfeek
my mother name aadab
i live in sialkot
punjab

born in muslim family
very nice people

4 uncles have
4 aunties
grandfather
grandmothers

then 2 brother have
2 sister

before we live together
with the grandfather
and uncles
and aunties

my uncle got married
aunties got married
got separate house

live with grandfather
grandmothers
mother
father
other brother and sisters

i go to nice school
pray every day

wake up early in morning
pray

go to mosque
go to school

mom make a breakfast
come back
go private tutor every day
every day

every day you have a hard work
morning you wake up
you go to mosque
go to school
come back from the school

change your clothe
get your lunch
go back to teacher
study from the school

go back 5 oclock
do your homework
sleep

from 1 class
2 grade
3 4 5 grade
7 8 9 grade
you have same routine every single day

i read holy quran 11 time
i read holy quran
read holy quran 11 time in mosque

and my brother is learn quran
without seeing he can read quran
the two brother can do it
and my sister still studying now

i study in the private school
my father pay a lot of money

not very nice

but in the english middle school
after middle school
i go in the government schools

my father got good business
with my grandfather
after that he start the showrooms

showroom selling the motorbike

business last
10 years ago
8 years ago
10 years ago he had that business

middle school
i didnt understand much

high school if i finish i get bicycle

got my small room for me
my brothers sleep with me

but in the day i got my room
i always stay there

not much to do

5 time i pray
my mom force me
my mom not there
no need to pray

not do much

for fun play cricket
fly kites

my mom dont like it
always tell me Dont fly the kites
because homework
wasting time
wasting money

in the roof always and
getting fight with the kids
flying the kite and abusing each and
the screaming in the roof

because you know
pakistan got small house
neighborhood with walls
and always screaming

and you always have exam in the basant
in the festival of the kite so
you always making the kites during exams
at 13 14 15

and every year kite festival come
february march

your exams come
february march

so every year
you have same situation

so in high school
i go to government school

there i learn to smoke cigaret
skip the school
play the video game

in my class
its like 3 4 this 1 so

in the whole school
its like 30 student
50 student in whole school

but its alright because
government school

you pay no fees
so you learn nothing

because private school
after middle school
quite expensive
number 1 and number 2

even you study the private or government school
you still have to give the government board exams

actually i get love when im in 7 grade

she my neighbor
she the daughter of my mosque teacher
my imam

my imam is my morning time teacher in the mosque and
my imam is my school teacher and
my imam is my private teacher

every day 1 hour after school
so i get closer and closer to my girlfriend
every day so

her name is faatina

it make a big big problem in my family
neighbours and girls and boys Love things
screaming things

and my uncle getting fucked very crazy
everybody asking me lot of question

and of course i respect him
but asking him same question back

Of course you love her
But what about you

and man and mom beating me up

dad not
but mom beating me up

Why you doing this 1
Why you doing that 1

in that year im 7 8 class

grow up
you know
start to smoke cigaret

every month getting 300 rupees from my father

now my own bike
small room
play music

i have best friend
my neighbour
his name zuhayr
he know hes very handsome

my father
my parent
dont want i take time with him

because he work
he work in the factory

and i study

hes same as my age
we are very good friend

we smoke together and
i can cry in front of him
he can cry in front of me

in my neighborhood not much people
not young as my age

its 3 4 year all bigger
or they all smaller so

i got my neighbor zuhayr
and i got 1 more zaahid

we are 3

in the school i have the friend
but not much good friend

i live far from the school
so friend dont come very much at home

always go out eat tobacco paan

Why you have to
Why you need enjoyment in there

eat tobacco pan
smoke cigaret and
that is it

drink coke

and nobody like we hang around in the streets

kid in the streets
in the nite time

and hang around in the nite time
outside in the street

that always happy

and that is what we do

no video games
no fucking
this kind of stuff

you know

pray

every year have lot of holy festivals come

all the friend together
always pray
serious serious

pray for few years

everybody pray
some people have to be force to pray

but pray seriously
from the heart

sometimes he wants to watch tv
man
he dont want to go

when you want to pray
you got a way

i got imam saalih
i get up early in the morning

early in the morning pray
in the speaker
5 time a day
sometime 4 time

have to write down with tick mark
today i give azan

Alahu akbar Alahu akbar Alahu akbar Alahu akbar

so i pray in the morning in the speaker
so i pray sometime 1 time
sometime 2 time 3 time

so all the kid getting together
Its my turn
My turn
My turn

im smoking cigaret
but very little
for fun

you dont need it
you just smoking
just for fun

youre not addicted
you dont need

youre not going to spend money for that
because you dont have money

you only get very little rupee a day and
you need to survive on that

you cant buy pepsi coke

you get some snacks

yes
ok
you can get chocolate but

you cant get coke that time

we live in the side part of pakistan
big city
close to jammu kashmir

we have summer hot
winter flooding
lot of rain

in government school
im getting farther and farther from
doing mosque and prayer but

mother is forcing and forcing but
not much time in the morning

and after 2 year i live in my auntie house
my 9 class
my 10 class

exam coming very heavy

i live with them
because they have ba and ma
my cousins and
they want to give me study and

they tell my father
No
Send him here
I want to tell him how To read it

they give me house and room and good

from there i start to learn the music liking and
things and
there i fall in love 1 more girl

her name is kamala

she is the same age as me and
very far relative of me and

i am very good friend with my cousin raatib

i can share with him everything i do
whatever i can talk to him

i can talk sex
cigarets
whatever i do

and hes a teacher
he have a school now

he study for his own self
run the house and make his own life

he dont smoke
dont do anything

dont drink
dont do anything and

everybody in the family want me to do like him

everybody telling me Be like him because
hes the nicest guy

so i stay 2 year with him
9 class and 10 class

you dont have the girls in the school
man

separate

mens school
girls school

if you need to meet the girls
man
you just see the girls

if you have a girlfriend
you just see her

you pick up her time
date you dont date
you pick up her time

you know time she go to school
you know time you going to see her

dont talk to her
just see her

very difficult to talk to her

girls dont have private mobile numbers so

if you want to talk to her
you have to call her house

somebody answer the phone you cant talk

you only have to talk to her
you have to guess if shes talking

not her mom
not her sister

so very difficult

its like talk with a girlfriend is a big thing
big deal

i pick up the time but
this is normal thing

you can pick up the neighbors but
stranger girls
other neighborhood girls
youre going to make her time

always happen
and they are going to tell their brothers

and he just going to look at you

1 time
2 time
3 time
she tell the brother or

the brother watching you watching her
until the girl not going to be talk
nothing going to be happen

girl said already 1 thing
you cant do anything else

they will kill you
man

they not kill you
they going to talk to your parents
have a big drama for disturbing her

if you do the harassment then you are fucked
even the police cannot look or touch the girl

1 man
he walking his lady in body scarf

in burkha

the police coming and
they search him for drugs or

gun or
whatever

and then they looking the girl and

the man saying
Dont touch her
She my sister

but the police they searching her so
touching her everywhere so

the man
hes going home
putting the sister to bed and everything
getting the gun and
going to the three policemans and
shooting them

then hes going to the police station
put down the gun and

saying I did it
Because they done this 1

in 48 hours pakistan government leave him

security of you and
your respect

you can fight

i have 3 guns in my house

[First published in cemetery miss you, 2011, pp. 1-15.]

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Jason S Polley is Associate Professor at the Department of English Language and Literature. [Click here to read all entries by JSP.]